I’m still alive.

I read a lot of comics and every time I finish one, I think, “I should write a review about this,” but I never do and it has been over six years since I did. It’s a shame and I’ve let myself and you down. Times change and I didn’t enjoy it as much as I once did. I have since started writing again, this time old retrospectives on WWF/E PPVs. If you’re into that, pop along to On The Card here, where every week I will (I promise) pop up some PPV reviews.

Maybe I’ll come back here and write about comics. I want to. I do.

Ultimate Iron Man II

Ultimate Iron Man II collects Ultimate Iron Man II #1-5.

Written by Orson Scott Card with art by by Pasqual Ferry and Dave McCaig.

The Ultimate Iron Man series continues with a new artist and a new direction. Ultimate Iron Man took a long time to build up the plot, but finally, when it reached its climax, we were impressed. Kind of. The Iron Man suit might have appeared here and there through the volume, and when we finally got to see it in action, within a few panels and pages, it was blown to hell.

This is an allegory for Ultimate Iron Man.

Ultimate Iron Man II, however, is the complete opposite. The Iron Man suit makes a lot of appearances from the very beginning and is usually flanked by War Machine, a suit that seems to exist for the sole purpose of making Iron Man look pretty and new. That and it punches things.

Howard Stark, father of Antonio Stark, has been jailed for a crime he didn’t commit… perhaps… maybe. His ex-wife went and married his industrial competitor and the two joined in foul union and bore a blob of cruelty named Obadiah Stane. Tony, along with his good friend James Rhodes, have created the aforementioned Iron Man and War Machine: metal suits of armour that contain rocket boots, weapons and all manner of nifty gadgets. The US Government want the technology, as do a plethora of other companies, most of whom are willing to use less-than-legal means of doing so, namely, terrorism.

So Tony and Rhodey, who have no formal training in anything remotely dangerous, but happen to be super-smart, go and kill a bunch of terrorists and-

The true horror of terrorism.

Guh?!

-okay, we’ll gloss over that for the time being. So, they go and murder people, make it back and through a bizarre series of events, fight someone but they don’t know who and Tony lets lots of little bugs in his blood make the shape of a little tiny computer.

Okay, so the plot, written by Sci-Fi supremo, Orson Scott Card, is a little hard to digest or recite. In the previous review, I complained that it was hard enough to take the story seriously when he created powers for Tony to have (he can regrow limbs, yeah, just like Wolverine) for seemingly no reason at all, other than an excuse to put him in dangerous situations and have his body parts fly off here and there. This time, it’s not confusing as much as it’s convoluted. There are a lot of twists and turns, and that’s nice, but it doesn’t necessarily make it interesting to read. That, and Obadiah is annoying as hell, his rambling diatribes were probably meant as a Bendis-style conversational comic relief, but it just ends up being infuriating.

Obadiah Stane.

Andy Kubert, who was the artist in Ultimate Iron Man, has been replaced with Pasqual Ferry, who has a softer, less realistic style, and later, for half an issue, Dave McCaig takes over. The reason for Kubert’s replacement and then Ferry’s is not known to me, but their art reflects the story quite well, with Kubert’s realism reflecting Tony’s early years and Ferry’s smooth, graceful strokes personifying his boozier later years.

Speaking of, in the previous volume, Tony had a few drinks, and in this volume, it’s alluded to that he also gets sloshed a lot, but it never really adds to anything or is particularly relevant to the story. The story is convoluted enough without adding in extra layers, but as alcohol plays a big part in Iron Man’s persona, you’d think that the seeds would be sewn when they have the chance. Alas.

Ultimate Iron Man II is great, but suffers the same faults as its predecessor, namely that it cannibalizes itself in science and doesn’t accurately portray the characters we later meet. That said, the ending is quite awesome.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: Much the same as Ultimate Iron Man: Silly, but understandable. 7/10

Writing: Obadiah should shut up. 6/10

Art: Very, very beautiful. Each page is a delight to look at. 10/10

Continuity: Only really connects to Ultimate Iron Man, but the whole regenerative-brain-thing annoys me no end. 6/10

Enjoyment: Most of the characters are disposable, but the story will keep you entertained, if not gripped. 7/10

Total: 36/50

Verdict: A fine sequel and prequel, even though it spends too much time talking about this:

Cool. Way cool.

Ultimate Iron Man

Ultimate Iron Man collects Ultimate Iron Man #1-5.

Written by Orson Scott Card with art by Andy Kubert.

Origin stories are always quite hard to write, I’ve found. They have to not only explain a characters’ powers or abilities, but also why they use them. It’s all great showing how Captain America became the Super Soldier, but without that drive to do the right thing, it’s useless. I’m sure it’s equally hard to show origins retrospectively, with Tony Stark and Iron Man having been shown in a variety of other Ultimate Marvel comics, including The Ultimates, Ultimate Spider-Man, Ultimate X-Men and Ultimate Marvel Team-Up (the less said about the latter, the better.)

Ultimate Iron Man tells the story of Howard Stark, who creates a biological armour, one that can withstand ice picks and baseball bats, until the bacteria in the armour eats away the skin of the wearer after a short period of time. To counteract this, he hires Doctor Maria Cerrera, who is working on human regeneration. The relationship becomes less professional and soon, the two marry and within a short period of time, Maria becomes pregnant. Meanwhile, Loni Stark, Howard’s harpy of an ex-wife, gets in contact with Howard’s competitor, Zebediah Stane, and gives him an offer he can’t refuse because he is fat and greedy.

Zebediah, you so faaaat.

Whilst working on her regenerative virus, Maria has a workplace accident and is infected with the virus. The virus not only regenerates her skin cells, but also her brain, to the point where she’s in constant pain, having seizures as her brain grows too big for her skull. The unborn child also becomes infected, but the embryonic tissue is affected differently: neural tissue will grow all over their body, to the point where every synapse, every neurone fires off lightning fast. Also, they can’t really be killed.

Just like this man.

Wait, what?

Yeah, Ultimate Iron Man suffers from that Mad Science thing that comic books usually do. And while we’re on Tropes, let’s add a second one that the child now has due to the regenerative virus. Anyway, the child is born, Maria dies, Howard names the kid Antonio and goes into hiding. Zebidiah Stane has a child with Loni (one that, thankfully, is mortal) attempts to torture Tony and spends the rest of his time in jail for being a giant jerk.

The plot moves quite quickly, skipping years here and there in order to tell as much of the story as possible. Tony is shown growing up quickly, attending school, where he begins to create his own form of armour, and also builds nanobots from a bunch of filthy metallic scraps he finds on the ground. He then places the nanobots inside his body. For a child genius, he forgets that you should boil things before inserting them into your body. Unless, you know, you’re into that sort of thing.

"How did I get here? Damned unsterilised metal shavings!"

Tony meets James Rhodes and the two of them become friends, building and testing out Tony’s prototypical suit of armour. After a bullying session displays Tony’s ridiculous plot-hole-sealing powers of growing back his legs after they are burnt to the bone, the two, along with Rhodey’s love interest Nifara, are placed into the Baxter Building along with Zebidiah’s sociopathic son, Obadiah, to be trained to become geniuses.

Orson Scott Card is primarily a science fiction writer (although Wikipedia tells me that he also wrote dialogue for The Secret of Monkey Island and The Dig, which raises him to almost superhuman levels) and this is evident in his writing. It’s not bad, of course, he just spends a lot of time explaining how things work, most of it having nothing to do with the plot. It’s nice though, it’s comforting and it makes you feel smart. I like it.

I am unaware of any of Andy Kubert’s work, however, I found the art to be gorgeous. He integrates subtle use of colour and perspective that always draw the eye. At one point, when Tony is being fed into a furnace, he utilises only shades of red and yellow for a number of pages without it becoming boring or painful on the eyes.

As stated at the beginning, origin stories are hard to write, but both Card and Kubert have taken the information from other sources and have created something unique that is unlike any other origin story, either from Iron Man himself or any other comic book character. Ultimate Iron Man is an excellent read, if filled with retcons and has little relevance to the Iron Man shown later in the continuity. Still, excellent, and followed directly by Ultimate Iron Man II, which continues the tale.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: A little silly, but these are comic books that we are reading. Well-crafted and intelligent, if a little too caught up in it’s own peculiar brand of homegrown science. 7/10

Writing: Very little in terms of humour, but excellent story-telling, even if it, like the bioarmour shown in the story, occasionally cannibalises itself. 7/10

Art: Standard fare. Very pretty and detailed, although the best parts are the covers. 8/10

Continuity: A lot of retroactive continuity involved, but otherwise fits in with the preceding storylines, although why no one decided to mention that Tony had a healing factor eludes me. Any why doesn’t it eat away the tumour in his head? And if he has a brain tumour and he is all brain does that mean that he has a tumour in his everywhere? 8/10

Enjoyment: You love the good guys and hate the bad guys. Excellent. 9/10

Total: 39/50

Verdict: It’s like Jaws. You wait the whole movie and then the shark turns up at the end and gets blown up. It’s exactly like Jaws. Except that the shark is the Iron Man suit. Other than that, it’s exactly the same. Really.

Ultimate Elektra: Devil’s Due

Ultimate Elektra collects Ultimate Elektra #1-5.

Written by Mike Carey with art by Salvador Larroca.

I did not like Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra. I think that’s pretty obvious. It was a fine tale and it was entertaining, but not up to standard. It wasn’t a good origin tale, it didn’t give us a fresh take on the characters, and it didn’t have any other connections to the Ultimate Universe, and although these aren’t needed for a comic to be good, they were needed in this instance. However, a sequel was in order and here it is, aptly-titled Ultimate Elektra. Unlike the prequel, this volume does not tempt and tease you by pretending that it’s going to be a story about Matt Murdock: it is very much a story about Elektra.

After the destruction of their house and business, the Natchios’ are homeless and jobless. Elektra’s father turns to his nephews for money. The nephews in question aren’t exactly on the right side of the law and plan to use the Natchios laundromat as a front to launder more than their dirty sheets. Add a certain New York Kingpin who has lost a portfolio detailing his criminal investments into the mix along with an assassin who has a target tattooed over his forehead and heart and you have the makings of quite an interesting story.

You might notice that Greg Rucka wasn’t brought back to write this series and is, instead, replaced by Mike Carey, who also wrote Ultimate Vision and some issues of Ultimate Fantastic Four. I don’t know the ins and outs of why Rucka was replaced, but replaced he was, and it’s interesting to see whether he was the weak link in the chain. To begin with, Carey does a fine job of the writing, again, it’s standard fare, with few laughs, but a solid plot. There are a lot of twists and turns through it, with Elektra quickly bouncing from working against her cousins to working for them and back again. There are also a few scenes where two different storylines work parallel to each other, and this is pulled off effectively.

The emotional point of the story is, of course, Elektra and her father. After the events of Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra, we see them attempting to scrape back an existence, only to have Lady Luck spit in their faces. We want them to catch a break, and we accept anything Elektra does to make that happen, even (and occasionally, especially) if it is illegal. However, when Matt turns up in his Daredevil gear and tries to talk some sense into Elektra, we see the two sides of the law that were shown before and are caught between justice and revenge.

The other storyline involves The Kingpin attempting to get his stolen portfolio back. If the evidence contained therein is released, he will be put away for the rest of his life, so it’s obvious that he’s going to retrieve it by any means necessary, which is where Bullseye comes in. With Hawkeye in The Ultimates having the can-turn-any-object-household-or-otherwise-into-a-dangerous-weapon power, I was interested to see what abilities Bullseye would have. As mentioned, he has a tattoo of a target over his forehead and heart and, despite these glaringly obvious identifying features, he effectively uses disguises to his advantage, sneak into areas and assassinate targets, all whilst firing off witty quips. These two plots come to a head when Elektra’s father is blamed for a murder her cousins’ commit and she decides to bring the portfolio to The Kingpin herself and pray that he decides to reward her.

Salvador Larroca returns with the art, which is much of the same dull colours and realistic imagery, but this time it is like a jigsaw piece that’s been spun around: it fits, although it’s not perfect. Perhaps it’s the writing of the scenes or the fact that there is more of an emphasis on action this time around, but the art, although it still doesn’t necessarily meld in with the story or the Ultimate Universe as a whole, it works better.

There is a slight conflict in terms of the continuity, however: Elektra meets The Kingpin and they have a little chat, but later in Ultimate Spider-Man, The Kingpin doesn’t know who she is and she is referred to as a “freelancer”. I understand that the Kingpin is a very busy crime boss, what with the murdering and extorting and so on, but even he would remember someone called “Elektra” who runs about in red and carries two sai. Surely. (Although The Kingpin does hang about with chaps who can shoot electricity and eccentrics who carry bullwhips, so maybe another freak in the circus doesn’t faze him.)

As an aside before the conclusion, I found Carey’s version of The Kingpin to be superior to Brian Michael Bendis’ version that appears in Ultimate Spider-Man. Carey’s Kingpin is a businessman who happens to deal in lives, that’s all. He’s not the Kingpin of New York because he’s stupid or reckless. Carey shows this excellently through the dialogue, Larroca shows this through the action and it is as close to a true interpretation of the character as I have yet to see.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: Better, warmer, faster and now entirely focussed on Elektra. 8/10

Writing: Mostly exposition, but entertaining exposition. 7/10

Art: Still not amazing, but better. 7/10

Continuity: The Kingpin-not-knowing-Elektra bit was weird, but not plot-destroying. 7/10

Enjoyment: Good entertainment. 7/10

Total: 36/50

Verdict:

Three Klondike bars out of Five.

I would trade this TPB for three Klondike bars. Minimum.

Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra

Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra collects Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra #1-4.

Written by Greg Rucka with art by Salvador Larroca.

I never much liked Daredevil as a comic book character. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s because he doesn’t capture my attention that much. Perhaps it’s because he doesn’t have powers as much as he just deals with a disability really well. Perhaps it’s because if I was blind, I’d stay in the house and wouldn’t go looking for trouble regardless of my hearing ability. Perhaps it’s because of Ben Affleck. Either way, the Man Without Fear is incredibly popular and, along with others such as Echo and Professor X, ensures that Marvel at least gets a tax deduction for including people with disabilities in their roster and it was only a matter of time before he got the Ultimate treatment.

Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra follows the story of Elektra Natchios as she begins her first semester at Columbia University. There, she meets a blind gymnast named Matt Murdock and she asks him out in a very feminist way: by giving him flowers. Shortly afterwards, Elektra’s friend, Mel, is raped by the university jerk, Calvin Langstrom the Third (whom everyone calls Trey). Elektra, infuriated by the crime, is further incensed by the fact that Trey gets off with the crime without so much as a slap on the wrist. He is seemingly well-connected. Elektra then decides to take the law into her own hands.

One of the first things you’ll notice is that the title of the series and trade paperback is not called Ultimate Daredevil, but Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra. You’ll also notice that there are only four issues collected and the trade paperback is optimistically numbered as Volume One, despite the fact that there was no sequel to the series as the storyline is continued in Ultimate Elektra. This is called foreshadowing.

Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra is not very good. “But sir,” I hear you bellow over your high blood pressure, “how can you say such a thing? You have never had a comic published! You are in no position to criticise.” A fine point, student, but I am a critic and I am here to critique and I repeat: Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra is not very good. To begin, the title: Daredevil doesn’t really turn up that much, either as Matt or in costume as a crime fighter. He kind of mopes in the background as the story focuses on Elektra as she comes to terms with the tragic miscarriage of justice that her friend is subject to. She, as mentioned, takes the law into her own hands and breaks into Trey’s apartment to threaten him and brings her traumatised friend to learn self-defence with her old sensei. A suspicious attack on Elektra’s father’s business leaves them homeless and Daredevil decides to take a leaf from her book, and, instead of threatening Trey, use his detective skills to figure out who was responsible for the arson.

Greg Rucka is the writer of this unflavoured piece and, to his credit, we’re treated to the two opposing sides of the story. Elektra, fuelled by reckless emotion, acts before thinking and instinctively plots and executes her plans for revenge against Trey, whom she believes must pay for his crimes even if the law can’t touch him. Daredevil, however, as a lawyer in training, believes that the judicial system must punish Trey and that Elektra’s violent rage is unjust. Normally, I’d agree with him simply because it is the Lawful Good way to do things, but in Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra, so much time is dedicated to Elektra that by the end of it, we want Trey to die, one way or another. Rucka even attempts to show us some of Trey’s homelife – an overbearing, abusive father, too much money and not enough morals – to allow us to see his motivation and empathise with him, but the background actually damages his image further, reducing him to a cowardly, spoilt shell of a person. Although you know, in the back of your head, that he should be dragged to the police station, you can’t help but wish that his body turns up in several pieces.

I reiterate: Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra is not very good. The writing and plot and art are fine, but that’s all they are, just fine, they never move beyond that. It is certainly not a bad comic, and I don’t regret reading it, I just think that it’s incredibly disappointing. It could have shown us how awesome an Ultimate version of Daredevil and Elektra could have been. They have the spotlight and it’s sad to say that they’re both portrayed better during their cameos in Ultimate Spider-Man. There is no mention of how Matt gained the ability to see without seeing, and besides a short scene where he sits on a roof and hears hundreds of conversations throughout New York, a new reader would be led to believe that he’s not really blind or has some sort of magical power. Elektra swiftly moves from college student with extensive martial arts training to professional criminal in a few short panels. There is little character development as the attention is on the exposition.

The art is… different. It’s not bad art, it’s just out of place when compared to the rest of the Ultimate Universe. Perhaps there is a reason for its lack of colour or blandness, but I didn’t like it too much. “Sir!” you pipe up, gritting your teeth, tasting the bitter tang of ground molars, “I must protest! You find it difficult to draw stick men and you have the audacity to spit such vitriolic nonsense about Salvador Larroca?!” I know, dear friend, such statements are abhorrent, however, to paraphrase Twain, I may not know much about art, but I know what I like and I do not particularly like the art in Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra. However, as mentioned, I am a critic and this, as such, is just an opinion, regardless of how many people disagree.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: It kind of plods, or merely exists. Although it shows all sides and ticks the boxes, it isn’t executing particularly well. 6/10

Writing: Nothing to write home about and I don’t remember laughing or feeling any emotion other than boredom. 5/10

Art: Bland. 5/10

Continuity: Doesn’t connect to any other series in the Ultimate Marvel Universe, thus, no complaints. 10/10

Enjoyment: Not bad, but certainly not good. 5/10

Total: 31/50

Verdict: Is destined to be forgotten, so that when the zombie apocalypse comes, instead of being used as tinder for my fires or preserved for future generations, I’ll just forget about it and it will sit there, alone and friendless, covered in the brains of my former loved ones.

Ultimate Spider-Man – Volume 2: Learning Curve

Ultimate Spider-Man – Vol. 2: Learning Curve collects Ultimate Spider-Man #8-13.

Written by Brian Michael Bendis with art by Mark Bagley.

Ultimate Spider-Man is a fantastic yarn. As a friend rightly stated: “It’s like if Spider-Man was made by the guys that did The OC, only well written and not crap.” Wise words, indeed, and the nameless and possibly imaginary friend is right, Ultimate Spider-Man is the epitome of angsty overthought teenage drama. Peter Parker is the perfect outcast, both in street clothing and in tights.

Peter, still reeling from his battle with Norman Osborn in his super-evolved Green Goblin persona, sets his sights on something more important: getting a job. He takes some pictures of himself in his Spidey-suit posing in an alley and ends up getting a job in The Daily Bugle… as the newspaper’s webmaster. Not great, certainly not freelance photographer standard (and a lame pun to boot) but it brings money in for him and his Aunt May. A horrible nightmare about Uncle Ben’s untimely death, however, causes him to get to the root of the problem and take down Wilson Fisk AKA The Kingpin, head of all crime in New York City and employer of the unfortunate soul who shot Uncle Ben.

It was really only a matter of time until The Kingpin was revealed and I’m glad they waited this long to do it. Ultimate Spider-Man, as great as it is, would suffer if he was subject to battling outrageous supervillains such as Doc Ock or Mysterio. At this point, where Spidey has a decent grasp of his powers, it was vital that they introduce a real threat into the mix. As frightening as it is having an insane scientist with four mechanical arms gunning after you, it is a thousand times worse when you’re not only the nemesis of the number one criminal in New York, but also every single one of his henchmen all the way down to the muggers.

And The Kingpin is terrifying. His size is one thing, but his intellect is another. He is scary as he doesn’t just have an army at his disposal, but one-on-one, he is incredibly formidable as well, not to mention he has his fingers in numerous political pies and effectively owns The Daily Bugle through stocks. His web of control is as enormous as he is and this is shown quite early on. Spidey decides to sneak into a building where The Kingpin is having a party and he is not only demasked, but almost killed by the behemoth and his associates. Spidey still hasn’t gotten full control of his powers yet and this forms the basis of the arc’s flow. Learning Curve is all about Spider-Man understanding how he can outwit and outmanoeuvre his opponents and he does so with style and grace (even after some initial difficulties).

To balance this out, The Kingpin is shown being ruthless with his own people. I had read Ultimate Daredevil and Elektra as well as Ultimate Elektra previously, and The Kingpin is shown as a wizened businessman who just happens to deal in things that are frowned upon. In Learning Curve, The Kingpin is outright revealed as almost sociopathic: he crushes an underling’s entire head with his hands. This comes as a bit of a surprise and, of course, we rightly abhor The Kingpin afterwards, yet he isn’t a completely hateful individual: he does have moments of compassion and seems more intent on protecting himself than acting out on his killer urges, unlike Electro, his (obviously) electric-powered underboss.

This, of course, is brought together by Bendis’ fantastic writing skills. He utilises more thought boxes this time around, and we are treated to a number of monologues by Peter as he attempts to figure out his situation, any solutions, as well as his life at large. Mary-Jane is paying attention to him, finally, although he finds that it intrudes with his secret social life, unfortunately. Aunt May is missing Ben as much as Peter is, and is beginning to find single life incredibly lonely, which isn’t helped by the aforementioned alternative lifestyle. The conversations that the two have are genuinely heart-breaking and do well to break up the fight scenes and exposition that layer the pages. Peter’s school life takes the sidelines as the story focuses on his night-time adventures and we rarely catch a glimpse inside the classroom. Flash and Kong are relegated to the sidelines and the focus is on Peter figuring out whether he should risk it all to avenge his uncle or just call it a day. Quite inspiring stuff, really.

Bagley’s art is amazing and he really captures the scale of the elephantine Kingpin in comparison to the waif Spider-Man. I cannot commend his skills enough, he has an innate ability to make everything, even epic battles, seem so simple instead of being needlessly complicated. This, coupled with the writing, makes for some emotional scenes. The final issue, in particular, is laugh-out-loud funny as well as being nostalgically cringeworthy, as Peter and Mary-Jane finally have the talk – and basically sidestep their way through it.

The book also ends on the signature Spider-Man line (after “With great power comes great responsibility“, obviously) that the readers had been waiting for an entire year to hear: “Face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot.” Epic.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: Well crafted, well executed and full of neat little twists and turns, although it is essentially a good-vs-evil tale. 9/10

Writing: Aunt May, as usual, steals the show, but the final issue has a fantastic back-and-forth between Peter and MJ. Also, Spidey’s quips to The Kingpin about his size had me in convulsions. Marshmallow fluff, indeed! 9/10

Art: Very pretty, detailed yet simple. Fits in with the story very well. 9/10

Continuity: You’re not going to get any complaints this time: it is, essentially, a stand-alone story arc. 10/10

Enjoyment: Riveting and beautiful, a fine sequel to the first. 9/10

Total: 46/50

Verdict: I affixed, through a complicated system of pulleys and drinking straws, a series of tissues beneath my eyes, lest any moisture (be it from perspiration, or, indeed, a good honest weep) fall on the pages of my beloved copy. Worked quite well. Patent pending.

Ultimate Spider-Man – Volume 1: Power and Responsibility

Ultimate Spider-Man – Vol. 1: Power and Responsibility collects Ultimate Spider-Man #1-7.

Written by Brian Michael Bendis with art by Mark Bagley.

Everybody loves Spidey. Well, everyone apart from the people of New York City, of course, but when Marvel decided to launch the Ultimate Marvel imprint, they chose one of their most popular series to start off with: Ultimate Spider-Man. Like him or not, Spider-Man is iconic: everything from his famous Spidey-suit to his web-slingers and acrobatic wall-clinging skills. The character has had countless comics, cartoons, movies, TV shows, video games and toys created after him and is Marvel’s unofficial mascot. He presents the Everyman, a poor unlucky guy who just happened to be gifted with a great power and a few bad decisions forced him into becoming a hated crime fighter, often caught in the crossfire between criminals and the police, equally abhorred by both parties. His origin story, especially, has become particularly famous due to the tragic circumstances surrounding it.

In Ultimate Spider-Man, this extensive history is replayed with several changes hither and yon. Peter Parker is a teenage boy who isn’t particularly popular at his high school. He spends his days being ridiculed by his classmates and his nose is continually stuck in books, that is, when they aren’t covered in food thrown by his tormentors. He is also good friends with Mary-Jane Watson, who is the typical all-American fiery-headed girl next door; and Harry Osborn, whose father, Norman Osborn is CEO of OsCorp, a private company that is currently attempting to replicate the Super-Soldier Serum that created Captain America.

The story is basically the same as previous Spider-Man origins. When Peter and his classmates are as OsCorp for a field trip, a genetically modified spider that had been exposed to OZ, an experimental drug and possible replacement for the lost Super-Soldier Serum that OsCorp was synthesising, bites Peter on the hand, causing him to slowly transform into the famous Spider-Man. He learns about his newfound powers, uses them to his advantage, becomes a jerk, his uncle Ben dies and he decides to live by the man’s mantra of, “With great power comes great responsibility.” If you’ve seen the movie, watched the cartoon or know even a little bit about Spider-Man, you can piece together the story pretty easily. But if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Meh. I love Spider-Man and I adore the Ultimate Marvel series, but I can’t help but feel a tug on the back on my neck as a tiny voice whispers to me, “Is that all?”

Allow me to elaborate: Peter is still a boring science geek and gets bullied by the usual suspects whilst pining after Mary-Jane. Harry is still his best friend, but the relationship is more like Zach and Screech than Ben and Reed, with Peter doing Harry’s homework whilst the latter doesn’t care about the former’s problems. Uncle Ben and Aunt May are still the perfect guardians for Peter, protecting him as he changes into Spider-Man. A lot of things are similar and we’ve heard them a million times before. There may be some slight variations there, but Ultimate Spider-Man is more of a cover than a remake in that department.

The changes are very nice, however: Norman Osborne finds that Peter has taken on arachnid powers and abilities due to the genetically-modified spider bite and decides to do the same to his own blood to give himself the powers of… himself, actually. This, of course, is just another one of Norm’s narcissistic quirks as opposed to an actual good idea. This mistake turns him into The Green Goblin, and, as opposed to just being a weirdo in a green suit, he actually transforms into a green weirdo without the aid of a suit, a bit like The Hulk. Speaking of The Hulk, this leads onto a rather strange tangent: it seems that, so far, all the Ultimate Marvel incarnations of classic superheroes have a shared background. The Super-Soldier Serum created Captain America and repeated attempts at duplication have wielded Spider-Man, The Hulk, The Green Goblin and numerous others. This change is nice. Instead of aforementioned Star Wars coincidences, (“I don’t think it’s weird that super-humans are popping up at all!”) it seems that the worlds problems have the Nazis to blame as well as Man’s inability to damn well leave well alone. However, I am going off-topic.

Ultimate Marvel to me isn’t a simple retelling of classic superhero stories, (my The Ultimates review states that) but a more modern reimagining of the tales. Bringing it up to date is nice, and the changes are welcomed, but it seems to stop there. It’s as if Marvel looked at the plotlines and said, “Yes, it’s all shaping up nicely, but there’s no point in changing too much, we do want it to be familiar, after all.” True, familiarity is nice, but it also breeds contempt. Simply having a wise-cracking wall-crawler with a geeky alter-ego is familiar enough. Why not change a bunch of things? Case in point: Uncle Ben dies. We all knew it was going to happen and we know why it has to happen: to facilitate Peter’s transformation from goofy kid with powers to crime-stopper, but why not, I don’t know, kill Aunt May? Or keep them both alive and stretch out Spidey’s disillusioned mind state for a while. We’re treated to four issues of him testing out his new-fangled powers and alienating people around him. Why not make it more? Why not show Peter using his powers to, I don’t know, actually commit crimes? I understand why not, of course, they can’t show Spidey stealing purses, it’s completely out-of-character, but it would at least make the stories stand on their own as opposed to updated versions of classic arcs.

Marvel Zombies, it itself an offshoot of Ultimate Fantastic Four, had amazing changes in the storyline. You’d consider that the alternate Zombie universe would have one single gimmick: that all the Marvel characters there were the walking dead, but no, they add some lovely edits. Captain America is called Colonel America and was the President of the United States for quite some time. Why not have changes like that in Ultimate Marvel’s series?

I digress, though, as the sum of the changes are huge, and it does weave a new and exciting, if achingly familiar tale. The themes and issues raised are still relevant as well, especially regarding Peter’s newfangled skills and abilities. It’s not as prevalent as X-Men’s minority analogies, but they lie there, in the background, nibbling at the base of your spine. The writing is superb, and incredibly funny, with Aunt May getting some fantastic one-liners in here and there. Peter’s battle-quips are equally impressive and a great comfort that, despite my complaints, some things haven’t changed. The art is impressive as well, painting the new Ultimate Marvel universe as beautiful place, wholly realistic, yet holding onto that comic-book charm and gloss.

Regarding continuity, however, the issues slip up occasionally. Peter mentions other superheroes such as Captain America as if they are currently active, even though the volume takes place way before The Ultimates. The Fantastic Four and Iron Man are mentioned, which is smart, as their Ultimate Marvel incarnations are indeed active before Spider-Man came about, even though the comics were written afterwards. Other than that, it’s fine, and the series certainly stays within its own continuity quite well, at least for the first six issues.

Through these six issues, we see a multitude of storylines converge and even when one may have more spotlight than the others, they remain in the background. The best example of this is Peter’s adoration of Mary-Jane, who pops up now and again, but doesn’t play that much of a big part until near the end. The collection ends on a cliff-hanger, which is nice, and leaves you gasping for more. It’s often easy to forget that mystery plays such a large part in comics and it isn’t just about the mythos or the action sequences, but the satisfying answers to questions posed many issues in the past.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: You know it before you read it, but it doesn’t stop it being good. 8/10

Writing: Why can’t we all have an Aunt May of our own? 9/10

Art: As a seasoned commentator once mentioned: “He’s like a Chibi Spider-Man!”. 9/10

Continuity: It was designed to create its own continuity, but still has some anachronisms. 6/10

Enjoyment: I adored it, even though I could literally read it like a book. 9/10

Total: 41/50

Verdict: I got the double-volume edition and then bought both volumes separately just to maintain uniformity on my shelf and I didn’t care.

The Ultimates – Volume 2: Homeland Security

The Ultimates – Vol 2: Homeland Security collects The Ultimates #7-13.

Written by Mark Millar with art by Bryan Hitch.

As shown in my previous review on The Ultimates Volume One, I am a huge fan of Millar’s writing and Hitch’s art. Their ability to mix the cinematic and the fantastic is breathtaking and their storytelling skills are unparalleled.

It is then slightly disappointing that The Ultimates Volume Two seems like it was tacked on at the last minute. Don’t get me wrong, it is still a fantastically well-woven romp and hugely entertaining, but it leaves that Star Wars taste in your mouth where you sit back in your chair, face contorted into a semblance of a wince and raise one eyebrow before saying, “Really, guys? Really?”

This might seem a little harsh, of course, but it will be all explained in due course. The Ultimates are reeling from the tragic plot twists that took place in the previous chapter: Tony has cancer (“I’ve got a brain tumor, boys about the size of a golfball, right here at the back of my head and the doctors seem to think it’s inoperable.”); Bruce Banner is in a lot of trouble for becoming the Hulk and mass-murdering people left, right and centre; Hank Pym sends an army of ants after his wasp-sized wife, Janet, after they have a domestic to end all domestics. As The Ultimates piece together what is left of their team, they also take on four new recruits: Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye, an Olympic archer-turned-assassin who has a realistic-cum-pessimistic outlook on his life and occupation; Natasha Romanova, AKA The Black Widow an ex-KGB agent filled with fun implants (the neural kind); and twin mutants Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, the children of Magneto who have abilities that are vaguely alluded to and share a close connection. Added to this update to the roster are the Machiavellian alien shapeshifters known as the Chitauri, who play a role similar to the classic Skrull and are even mentioned as such by the Big Bad, Herr Keiser.

The foreshadowing of the new members is mentioned in the previous volume of course,and it would be only a matter of time before The Ultimates crossed over with some of the other big Ultimate Marvel titles, but the revelation of the Chitauri comes as a slap in the face. Their involvement seems shoehorned and if they had been mentioned or shown earlier in the series then it would seem like a callback and, thus, very smart, however their race is shown (in full human form) a single issue before their official introduction and it cleanly cuts the entire thirteen-issue series into two halves, which is frustrating and reminds me of the TV shows that were affected by the 2007-2008 Writer’s Strike.

To make things more complicated, the Chitauri aren’t just new characters, as Captain America had an altercation with one during World War II. I know that it’s a comic book and we are expected to suspend our disbelief, but this seems like too much of a coincidence. The Cap turns up and the team’s first real foe happens to be against a guy he almost killed over half a century previous? Although it is mentioned that Captain America, whilst systematically tearing the Third Reich limb from limb, went on several dangerous missions for Uncle Sam, you’d expect the connection between them and now to be something stronger, like The Red Skull instead of this tenuous link. Millar may as well have had Cap fight Mandarin in the past or Apocalypse, or even said that the Chitauri were the field commanders involved in the almost-fatal nuclear bomb attack that froze Steve in time. I’m going on about it a lot, and I swear I will finish now, but this type of reference to earlier material doesn’t work when the material in question is invented at the same time as the revelation. It’s like Vader telling Leia that they are father and daughter in the first scene of A New Hope. Who cares?

I digress.

As a self-contained story, the plot is pretty good. It’s a standard good-vs-bad affair, with an awful lot of twists and treachery, but, like a good episode of Columbo, you know who the bad guys are and the fun comes from watching The Ultimates figure it out. Millar did not go the easy/lazy way and make the readers wonder if any of The Ultimates were members of Chitauri, which is good, seeing as it has already been done in Secret Invasion and would seem rather trite to reveal that and effectively murder a member of the team so early into the series (as an after-thought, however, this would be rather interesting as no one would expect that a big character such as Thor or Iron Man could be so easily written out of the series, but the fans would be upset that they would lose out on such a big player. As an appendum to the above after-thought, the Chitauri mention that in order to impersonate someone, they must devour them, so there wouldn’t be two copies running around.)

The art is, as usual, incredibly cinematic and beautiful, especially the fight scenes. Hitch’s ability to use symbols and traits to differentiate between otherwise bland characters is amazing, especially considering that many of the characters don’t wear signiture uniforms. Hawkeye, for example, wears a simple leather suit and is shown to have a shaved head and earrings without any specific motifs. Captain America, on the other hand, is easy to see in a battle due to his armour. This is shown particularly well in scenes where the characters are out of uniform without any distinguishing features. I am continually impressed by this.

The writing is, as usual, outstanding, and features several witty throwbacks to the classic Marvel series, including Captain America’s terrific line, “You think this letter on my head stands for France?!” which is referenced in jest later by Nick Fury, further pointing out its ridiculousness. The only problem with the writing is the lack of elaboration on certain lines, but this is forgiveable as most seem throwaway until they are explained later. The Black Widow mentions a “moment” that her and Iron Man shared before the mission, which cleverly leads onto a vital plot point in the second series, but that, at the moment, is neither here nor there.

As far as characters are concerned, time is given equally to all of them. Captain America is still disillusioned, although his super-soldier exterior cracks a few times, which I found to be brilliant. Iron Man is beginning to feel the pressure of his situation and the Pym’s marriage has a final nail driven into the coffin. Bruce Banner returns as The Hulk in the most epic of ways (“Permission to traumatize Banner, sir?”) and Thor shows that he a pacifist with a big scary hammer and Nick Fury watches it all unfold with a cross between despair and admiration etched on his lined face.

All in all, a fantastic adventure, if a little disconnected when combined with the first volume.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: Treat it like a new series and you’ll enjoy it. 7/10

Writing: Some fantastic references and repeatable lines . 9/10

Art: The apparent lax attitude to missed deadlines have not dulled Hitch’s skills. 9/10

Continuity: Fits in perfectly with the first volume of The Ultimates, its sequel and the rest of the Ultimate Marvel universe. 9/10

Enjoyment: Very, very enjoyable and lives up to the first volume. 9/10

Total: 43/50

Verdict: If I used my copy to kill a spider, I would send the soiled book to the spider’s family and gratefully buy a new one.

The Ultimates – Volume 1: Super-Human

The Ultimates – Vol. 1: Super-Human collects The Ultimates #1-6.

Written by Mark Millar with art by Bryan Hitch.

Mark Millar is known for a number of things: he is a proficient liar; he has a habit of using celebrity likenesses in his comics; he is profoundly Scottish. However, one thing that Mark Millar certainly is is a weaver of tales. Both Kick-Ass and Wanted have both been given the Hollywood treatment and made into rather big movies. There is no doubt that he is a terrific wordsmith and this is shown in his Ultimate reimagining of The Avengers, The Ultimates.

For those of you not familiar with The Avengers, they are a superhero team consisting of various members that fight crime around the US and beyond. They have had many dozens of colourful characters in their roster, most notably Captain America, Thor and Iron Man. They are also the subject of (yet another) movie.

The Ultimates, however, are not just an analogue for The Avengers, a point that Millar skillfully introduces right at the very start. Like other Ultimate series such as Ultimate Spider-Man, Ultimate X-Men and Ultimate Fantastic Four, the group is given a completely new storyline and set of circumstances, however, I won’t bother with relating back and forth the differences between the classic Avengers and the reimagined Ultimates and will just jump straight in.

Steve Rogers was a soldier in World War II who signed up for a highly-experimental Super Soldier Program. Through rigorous training and chemical enhancements, he became a glorified superhero who used his brutal strength, ability and cognitive skills to not only give the Allied troops morale, but also almost single-handedly complete several missions through Europe to destroy the Nazi war machine. Using his signature shield and unique uniform (covered in stars and stripes, naturally) he led the attacks in Europe under the name of Captain America. The Nazis, however, were tough little beggars and attempted to send a nuclear warhead all the way to the White House in a last-bid attempt to cripple the United States. Steve successfully disarmed the bomb but was flung by the explosion into the ocean where he was presumed dead.

Fast forward half a century and a government body known as SHIELD (Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate) has just been given billions by the president to create a task force designed to curb further attacks by supervillians (a reference to the earlier Ultimate Spider-Man and Ultimate X-Men titles). The team, consisting of Janet and Hank Pym, two married scientists who become The Wasp and Giant Man, billionaire playboy Tony Stark, otherwise known as Iron Man and disgraced scientist Robert Bruce Banner (who recently messed up his attempts to recreate the Super Soldier Serum that created Captain America and inadvertently transformed himself into The Hulk) are supposed to be America’s first line of defence against supervillian terrorists, but are lacking in a certain je ne sais quoi. That is, until Captain America’s body is found frozen in suspended animation.

The plot moves steadily forward from there and deals mostly with the characters’ interactions with one another. SHIELD director Nick Fury is desperate for his unit (who were christened the titular Ultimates) to receive the widespread attention and adoration from the American public that they deserve if for no other reason other than to justify their enormous drain on the tax-payers money. He even gives them their own base called The Triskelion and they spend a good portion of the time lounging there, looking bored or working furiously on their own projects to justify their place on the team. Captain America is disillusioned at the state of the world of the future and refuses to let go of his 1940’s outlook on life. Iron Man is slowly sliding from alcoholic to full-blown basket case as his is split between his passion for making a difference in the world and his empire, Stark Industries. The Wasp and Giant Man begin to show cases of marital conflict and no one loves Bruce Banner at all, blaming him solely for the murders he inflicted upon the world when transformed into The Hulk. Added to this is an oddball hippie from Europe who claims that he is Thor, Norse god of thunder, who the team desperately want in their ranks even though their politics clash. Time is split amongst each character and we can empathise with their emotions and motives.

When Bruce Banner’s on-again-off-again girlfriend Betty Ross (who happens to be The Ultimates’ PR manager) spurns him once again for a date with Freddie Prinze Jr, Bruce doesn’t take it well at all. His constant failure to recreate the Super Soldier Serum and whispered bullying from his teammates cause him to snap in the only way that he can: he becomes The Hulk and terrorises New York.

This leads to a climatic battle where all members of the group (including Thor, who decides to help only if the government gives into certain demands) work together to take down the raging beast. The fight scenes are outstanding and could easily double as storyboards for an action movie. Mixed in is the excellent dialogue and storytelling where Millar can really show off his skills. Although I haven’t mentioned him so far, Bryan Hitch, the artist is extraordinarily talented and really compliments the characters, scenes and settings.

The Ultimates Volume One is, of course, only six issues in a thirteen-issue series and it ends with such a terrific cliffhanger that changes your feelings for characters instantly. Therein, however, lies my only gripe with the series. Ultimate Marvel dances between being an alternate and, in some places, updated version of classic Marvel stories, and being a complete reimagining. With the series set in a post 9/11 world, it’s easy to see the parallels as they try to cope in an America where the threat of attack is omnipresent and although the X-Men are usually the best example of political analogies shown through the medium of comic books, The Ultimates does a fine job as well. With this updated and entirely adult premise, some classical character traits continue to raise their heads either as loving homages or plain laziness. Janet and Hank do not enjoy the most perfect of marriages and never have in any continuity (in the Marvel Zombies alternate universe, it itself a spin-off of Ultimate Marvel, Hank actually bites Janet’s head off when she is in wasp form) but there are many other ways to show this other than him knocking seven shades out of her during a domestic. Furthermore, Tony Stark’s alcoholism plays no part in the story other than allowing him to say several outrageous things without incident. If Nick Fury can become Samuel L. Jackson, then surely Tony Stark can take heroin to ease his pain, or become addicted to Prozac just like the aforementioned Giant Man.

Gripes aside, the series is set up to be a complete winner from the get go and does not disappoint for one single frame.

BREAKDOWN:

Plot: Exciting, interesting and always imaginative, if occasionally lacking in originality. 9/10

Writing: Millar is excellent, as always, and has several chuckle-out-loud lines that are deliciously tongue-in-cheek. 9/10

Art: Hitch is terrific and shows off his mastery on almost every single page. 8/10

Continuity: As one of the première Ultimate Marvel titles, it creates its own continuity, although occasionally clashes with references to other series, especially Ultimate Fantastic Four. 7/10

Enjoyment: Outstanding. Could not put it down. 10/10

Total: 43/50

Verdict: I would gladly buy two copies and keep one in a safe buried underground for future generations to find and enjoy.